Happy New Year’s Eve from The Dope! Before you all go out and start the groundwork on waking up tomorrow completely naked in a inexplicable pile of some grown man’s unwashed laundry, along with an empty can of whipped cream, two broken radio antennas, an illegal immigrant, plaster of paris drying on your genitalia and worried voicemails from your high school spanish teacher (or some other equally wholesome dilemma) I have some new dopeness for you.
I bring, for your pre-party hydration needs, the distilled list of fresh movie trailers for January. I know this was supposed to be a monthly thing, but what can I say? Shit got wild since September. Here’s to a New Year of unbroken promises and consistent blog authorship. Or not. You’ll be drunk enough soon to not remember anything I said here anyway.
Daybreakers
I’ve heard a lot of press trying to slam this movie but I don’t particularly see why. I personally think they’re just bio-engineered super haters out with the soul purpose of ruining my day. I think we can all agree that it is silly to dispute science, and it is proven scientific fact that vampires are awesome. That’s just the God-honest truth. They are cooler than you and your family. And it is possible to make a bad vampire movie (what up, Underworld: Rise of the Lycans?) but I honestly don’t think this will be one of them.
Ethan Hawke plays a hematologist on the vamp side of a majority vamp world, attempting to find a solution to the mortal blood shortage impending upon the vampire race as man-farms (a la The Matrix) run dry. A dangerously scrappy looking Willem Dafoe guest starts as the leader of a shady organization claiming to have the answer. Look out for this sexy, stylized thriller the first week of the new year.
Release Date: January 8, 2010
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Youth in Revolt
For those of you who are sick of watching Michael Cera play Michael Cera, Youth in Revolt stars Michael Cera playing Michael Cera clashing with the anti-Michael Cera, also played by Michael Cera, FTW. Based on the C.D. Payne epistolary novel of the same name, we follow the wild and deleterious adventures of an awkward, Cera-esque virgin who creates an alternate identity for himself just to circumvent his own wackness and lose his virginity to the girl of his dreams. This will either be hilarious or it won’t be, but I’m betting on the former. Guests stars hilariously weird Zach Galifinakis, hilariously creepy Steve Buscemi, and hilariously normal Justin Long.
Release Date: January 8, 2010
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The Book of Eli
This is the year of old superstars being badmotherfuckers and doing hood shit. While Mel (two movies down) is beating Boston ass, Denzel finds himself in a post-apocalyptic future in possession of the book that will save mankind and kicking the ever-loving shit out of anyone who tries to come near it. Peep the trailer, if for nothing else just to watch this 55 year old man killing punks with the hand to hand skills of a much younger badmotherfucker and a variety of weapons that’ll make even video games feel under-endowed. Stupid hot Mila Kunis guest stars as his unsolicited protege (act like hot girls throwing grenades at cars isn’t written in the fantasy book of every straight man on this planet) in all of her dirty, Aviator wearing glory. How is it that a Mila Kunis movie always ends up on these lists?
Release Date: January 15, 2010
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The Lovely Bones
This movie is just absolutely gorgeous. No seriously, just watch the trailer. It reminds me of Tarsem Singh’s “The Fall” for its unfiltered color-drunk beauty mixed so deftly with images of traumatic horror. Stanley Tucci plays a creepy flop-sweat covered [pedophile/murderer?] and Mark Wahlberg puts down his badassness for another shot at playing a normal sensitive male (let’s not talk about the catastrophic failure that was his last attempt) in this story about a girl who dies but doesn’t quite rest in peace. Also starring Rachel Weisz and Susan Sarandon. Directed by Peter Jackson, the king of the epic film.
Release Date: January 15, 2010
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Edge of Darkness
In the second contribution to movies about +50yr old men doing badass shit, Mel Gibson plays a widower cop who has the misfortune of watching his twenty-something daughter die at the hands of an unidentified shooter. Assuming this was a failed hit on him and furious at his daughter’s death he goes out to find the killer only to discover than things aren’t exactly what they seem and blah blah blah you get the point. Looks cool. Check out the trailer.
Release Date: January 29, 2010
Related posts:
- Sick Movie Trailers: September 2009
- Sick Animated Shorts
- Jay-Z: On To The Next One (Official Video)
- Dope Artists #02: Photography
- Return of the Music Video
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